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Gay and lesbian families with children are certainly new to the law, and our family’s history records the evolution of that legal status in strata whose clay is still damp to the touch. And yet, in the history of the world being written and erased under our feet: so fragile, so new. I’d spent my 20s chanting We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it! Boomer lesbians had babies together before we did. I felt like I was just living the life I meant to live. Later that night, after the visit to the hospital, my mother gushed: “You’re so brave!” A baby didn’t magically fix my relationship with my parents, but it did fix something. But the first grandchild? They couldn’t say meh to a baby. They could meet the news of my engagement with Do you really want to do this? They could stagger through the wedding like zombies. She and my father had come to the Bay Area for the birth of their first grandchild, who was like the trump card we’d played on all of their disappointment that I was gay. I wonder what else we have that will get taken away.īack in that hospital administrator’s office, my own mother was sitting beside me. But with the death of Roe, I wonder if the opening that has defined our parenthood will snap closed again. This is what we want for our children-to see the world grow with them. The birth of a first child transforms a couple into a family the arrival of our son was also a moment in the birth of a movement, one that in a relatively short time has transformed the world from a closed place to a more open one.
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It was the first time, too, for a particular hitch of unrecognition: “Mother’s name?” she asked without looking up.
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Stitched and battered, I shuffled into the office of a hospital administrator who called me only Mom and rattled off the perfunctory questions- Name? Social? Medical record number?-except, for the first time, the questions weren’t about me but about my son. Our overly sleepy newborn needed a blood test. Wade, I find myself remembering a moment soon after the birth of his older brother. This week, as my youngest child prepares to graduate from high school under the looming shadow of the end of Roe v.
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